Distance of Preservation

A distance is established when you've learned to adore from afar, you've seen perfection from a distance but any closer would ruin it all. A distance called The Distance of Preservation. One that preserves the purity of a person because being too close could demolish that beauty's pedestal.

I know thought if I've gotten too close to that dimple of yours, or your ocean blue eyes, I'd unhook myself. I know from this spot where I stand, you are of perfect height. Cause if I were to walk to you, you'll appear too short. I know from where I stand, your smiles are perfected with tenderness, cause if I were to walk to you, I'd see your uneven teeth. I know from here, you already aren't the best of the best, and if I'd walk up to you, you'd look worse than worst.

Yet I went to be next to you, & it felt just perfect.

As we talk about books & everything else, your imperfections wandered around in my head to the edge of this infatuation hook. You were talking, then smiled into my eyes. & somehow, the fact that you were as interested as I was in keeping the conversation alive so I wouldn't walk off, beats all odds. I felt comfortable talking to you I had no barriers to express my self-love. & you did the same, ensuring I knew you as much as I allowed you to know about me. I was so absorbed I told you the days to my birth date & you told me I've missed yours for a day. I jumped & wished you. Naturally, I reached my arms out & wanted to give a hug, I wasn't even breaching any platonic code but I held back. Why?

You had to go help him, but you did excuse yourself & came back. But I've walked away.

I've done again what I do best, I walk away.

Summer's ending,

So again, it's a goodbye to this thing that is only beginning to begin.

I was so happy I could die, the laughters still so fresh, so dear to my heart. The fact that I could be myself around you & responded like a friend of a lifetime was what that made me stay and watch you do your work. Part of me didn't want to walk back to practiced smiles so it would be perfect when I fake fate. No, but my mind turned wiser the second you left (though you will be right back) & so, I walked away.

All night long, we were smiles & playful gestures. But I wanted to hear your voice & hear you talk. I wanted to embrace your naivety & humbleness. I wanted to stand next to you and hear both our heart races for something to talk about. It was so hard for me to take another plunge into this cold unfamiliar sea. So I stayed and watch you from the distance of preservation. & she came, & my heart cracked, then leaks.

My Green Mile.


Little Miss Naughty
06/09/2010
8.35am (GTM +0)

FORGET ALL THE ABOVE.

I am always left picking up the pieces. It is always me & only me. That is why I don't take chances when it comes to love. That is why I can't bear to risk a risk. Today, I finally told someone else about you, an actual physic person. I thought since there is only a week left, I can finally let this high-school crush of mine out of the head. Turns out, my first girlfriend in England was indeed nothing but the first girl friend. Not much of a friend though.

I was about the corner when I spotted the empty seat. I skipped right into it without seeing you in front. But it didn't bother because my brain could not process a better decision in time. Nonetheless, I was glad it happened. I'd say the best 10 minutes of my day. We talked about books books & more books. As you look down at your '50 books to read before you die' bookmark, my gaze was locked on you. I can't help but to adore your long brown lashes that curls up so seductively. And as you lick your lips, my eyes followed. You stayed, despite being pressured to leave. Even for 3 minutes. T'was the highlight of my day.

I hurried to see you but you were scurrying down the hall to leave. I'm taking out all the possibilities in regards to your only muttered farewell. All that I am hearing is that, my doubts have come to a point of truth. Where I'm infatuated with you, & you are not with me. Fair enough.

So yes, it's time to pack and walk away again, Anna. For real. 
Though I know, being happy is more important than being right.

Affectionately,

Me.

07/09/2010

07.36am (GMT +0)