Tell me something..

It is 9 more days to the 8th month of my relationship. Although the first 6months were not all so bad itself, but I was in a love triangle. However, it didn't affect me much most of the time because she was totally into our side of the triangle. Of course there were days where she had to be on the other side, but most of the time I would say, she was here.

Just recently, the love triangle was broken down. I have her all to myself now. Somehow, things still don't go as great as I thought it would be. Previously, I complained when she couldn't make a simple promise. Now that she could and she would, I complain that she's not sincere. All of a sudden, after that ever going 6months, she's now all about me, me, me. I doubt her everytime she does that, I don't know exactly why I do that all the time. One thing I do know is, I can't get used to that change. It's like yesterday I was living in a place where there always would be the existence of another person. Suddenly when I wake up this morning, it is just the two of us.

Is it the problem with trust that I'm having or the fear of commitment like I have always been facing?

Chatting with Kristi yesterday made me realize that I love finding fault with CC when things are going good. Whenever things are going good, there is always a way for me to find a flaw in it. A flaw that sometimes doesn't exist at all, except in my brain. I would get all crazy & PMS at her like a bitch, just for a little joke she makes that doesn't sound good to my own ears. I give her the attitude, I give her a dismay face, etc. Thing with her is, she doesn't like to argue, she'd always rather keep quiet or take up the blame. As she keeps quiet, things get worse for me, the more upset I get. Now that she's all about Jessica, Jessica, Jessica, she'd get all soft spoken and do all the cute faces to make me laugh, she'd even say things that I'd like to hear. Thing is, the old me would go for that, now I would just shoot her a discouraged look. No one should/could put up with something like that I think, but her.

Am I taking her for granted? Or am I just punishing her for what she did to me last time?

I need you girls to be honest with me. Sometimes I think I can't get on with this person because of the past, but as I think that way, the next minute I'd start to regret. I don't want to lose her, but how can I put up with the past and move on?

We were video calling each other yesterday,

but I was doing my own things apart from that for the whole day.

She stayed on the line with me the whole time :)

Till at night, she said she'd like to go to bed.

(which was bit weird, because it was still early for us)

Bright side is, she was there.

Am I being too much?

20th September 2010
Monday, 1.23pm (GMT +9)