Today of all days, you were me, you were waving at me from afar. For once, you did not hold back your gaze when mine meet yours. For once, you'd smile with courage and not look away. For once, your footstep sounded heavy as you turned around to me with that look in your eyes. The look that waited for me to come with you. And for once & the last time, it felt more than a highschool crush, with you. We were talking & I felt again the absolute comfort of a lifetime friend with you as the clock ticks away with conversation. Isn't it ironic how once the smiles were etched and goodbyes were said, we're like two strangers with untold secrets with each other? But everything before that is worth more than gold. You laughed but I was puzzled. How could one not have had a birthday cake on his birthday? We're different, indeed.
Fate was around God as they both watched over me. I found you, sitting where we once sat & I slipped in comfortably. We sat together quietly reading our respective book. Can things get any lovelier than this? you & your Stephen King. Me & my vampirism novel. We are indeed, different. I was too absorbed into the current affairs of my novel until I forgotten the boy with ocean blue eyes was just a look away. You decline my kind offer of sharing my precious Maltesers and with a simple question of 'Why', you hastily surrendered and pop one into your mouth. You're 25 years & 10 days old, why do you still act so young? We settled in quietly and ignored the catastrophe behind us. You smile & I die - every time.
He asked if I was happy today and I said no. I said I'll miss summer. But I was secretly happy, that he has come to ask of my well-being and that all awkwardness undressed on its very own - just like it happened before. Sometimes I wonder, if I keep denying every possible love that comes my way in fear of the wrong one, how will I ever find the right one? I somehow acknowledge the trauma so strongly hidden underneath yet find it impossible as I am not one who would be damaged this bad. Am I?
Ryan, you said I am your karma.
Maybe. But you're definitely mine.
14/09/10 23:17 (GMT+0)
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