I'm so tired! I'm so tired of getting mad at you then being nice again. I'm so tired of not telling people about our daily drama because I am so sick of explaining my drastic change of behaviour. I am so tired of feeling such an immense wrath bestowed upon my shoulder then slips away so easily like a blown feather. I am literally tired of having you around calling me all the time, I'm tired for my change of heart. I am sick of myself wanting to try something I know I cannot do. I've tried! I've tried wanting to be back with you, I am trying to try. But it is so hard, like the pieces won't fit. But I'm doing it because I did you so wrong last summer. Everyone seems to think we're meant for each other and despite what goes on now, you & I are meant to be. Am I the only one who secretly, strongly disagree? I'm protesting all these predictions in the inside, but what if they were right? What if he's the one karma I'm bound to get for walking out on people's lives? I've tried to come up with a good excuse for all the things I should feel but didn't, and I thought if I had a second chance of feeling it, I would. But I didn't. When I left you at the airport on May, I thought I would've felt a different sort of weight in my heart but instead, all the weight there is were filial duties and familial affections. I've tried, you filled in the gap of emptiness & I believe that led you on to believe we could be together again. I am truly remorseful for that, but not sorry enough to be back in the wrong relationship. This abstinence of liberty is overbearing. They said distance is what that makes the heart grows fonder. These blind fools.. Sometimes distance is what that the heart needs. I'm an ocean away from you, yet I still feel the leash by my ankle. I hate it how you would look high and low for me, I hate it how a mini frantic search would go on (again like yesterday) & these search parties are Kayin, HQ, May or so. I literally feel trapped. Like I am imprisoned by Fate & Karma. Honestly, I don't think they're really my friends. We may have shared friends, but most of the time, I can't help hearing their mental whispers of all the things about me they wishes to say out loud. Maybe I am not good enough for a person for them to have stayed fairly friends with both you & I. Maybe.
(GMT +0)
1 comments:
Oh silly :( You know, you don't have to force yourself to do something that you feel that it is wrong from the start. Karma or whatsoever you call it, sometimes you just have to go against it to make yourself happy. We're here for ya! :D
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